I’m exhausted. Have been for ages. I honestly don’t know how I make it through the days. I just keep at it, day in, day out. I’m like a robot, just fulfilling my programming. I can’t not continue. It’s Friday, I’ll have a couple days to recharge before heading into the fray again.
In my exhausted state, as I drive, I feel a pain in my head. I cock my head to one side in an attempt to vanquish the pain while still keeping the car on the road. As I do so, I drift off slightly. This road, this drive, it’s all automatic, my mind uses the idle cycles to show me something new.
I’m invisible when I don’t want to be, and the center of attention when I don’t want to be. How does it always work out that way?
When I’m just going about my business, doing my own stuff, not bothering or even interacting with anyone, suddenly I’m the center of attention with people pointing and laughing and giggling and being cunts. But when I’m trying to get some attention, trying to get an answer, trying to give direction, trying to communicate, my words aren’t heard.
I’m a stuck record. The needle trapped in the same groove, looping back at the end of the song instead of continuing on. Doomed to repeat forever. This isn’t even a good song, which makes it even more bitter. Every day, every week, every year, nothing changes, not really. And when change does come, it’s rarely very good. It’s not progression, all my change is retrograde. I slip backwards, and never move forwards and it’s terrible.