The day we met; I fear I can’t recall
the date nor time. The weather of that week
is also lost within the maze of mind.
Of what we spoke that fated day — that too
is gone gone gone. It matters not with all
that followed then. But we were of a kind.
The day you left; that too I don’t quite know
just when it was or what was said to whom.
That it was ordinary is a fact.
The heavens too, were plain as e’er they are —
no errant star nor nova there was seen.
This haze within my mind is not an act.
And of the days we spent as one, those too
have faded well. The kindest words you had
for me, forgotten now, forever lost.
Your smile, your scent, your eyes and nose and lips;
these things and more have slipped right through the gaps
which scar my mind and seize it just like frost.
But these are merely details in the end.
Remember you, I do, my good, dear friend.
T H E E N D
The car grips the road a little tighter.
It’s probably just my hands on the steering wheel,
Squeezing harder as my mind races.
Your arm not seven inches from mine
But between us, a gulf of uncertainty:
a gulf so wide and so deep, to tread into it
would mean disaster.
We’re alike, you and I.
Brothers? No, more than that, if you can imagine.
You speak, distracting me from my thoughts
but it’s a pleasant distraction. Your voice
washing over me like brown silk in the wind,
moving to my ears and enveloping my mind.
I hang on your words, basking in your essence. Afraid to let go
and lose this moment forever.
It’s a cool, clear August evening.
The stars look down on us as we speed
through the countryside.
I have so much to tell you,
but I can never seem to do it.
Your eyes, your smile.
If I told you… would you ever
smile at me again?
The car rolls to a stop, and I turn to face you.
It’s time I told you.
You have to know.
Stuttering, I search for the words. I pause.
Your hair is wild, untamed: free
like the wild bronco running on the plain.
Your eyes hold mine: big, brown, like the moist earth
that gives you life.
You place a hand on mine.
That doesn’t help…
I look down, and suddenly the words arrive,
pouring from my mouth like so many atom bombs.
Looking up, I meet your gaze. Fear. Sadness. I know you see these things in my eyes.
Why won’t you respond? Smile. Say you understand, that it’s alright.
You turn away. I crumble.
–August 9, 2000
Continue reading “The End”, a poem by a younger me.
I wake to find that snow has come; so cold
it is within my tiny cell. Would that
you were in here with me I wouldn’t find
it so; but you exist in summer fields
beside the sea — cerulean, the skies
above in which you yearn to fly. Your hair,
its like a raven’s cloak, so dark, yet light
and free; the salt sea breeze does blow it so —
you brush it from your eyes. Your eyes, as green
as finest jade, are flecked with earthen tones.
At night, the stars are brighter still when viewed
in those deep orbs. To kiss your lips, so soft,
so full, so warm I felt it in my soul…
These memories I’ll keep with me
within my deepest heart.
This way, my love, I’ll keep you safe;
we’ll never be apart.
Ah, the snow is melting.